Your Body in Parenthood: A Guide to the Perinatal Nervous System

The Body's Wisdom: Shifting the Focus from Mind to Body

Your nervous system is the command center that runs your entire life. It controls your heart rate, your breathing, your digestion, and, crucially, your sense of safety in the world. When your nervous system is balanced and regulated, you feel calm, connected, and capable. When it is dysregulated and stuck in a state of survival, you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down.

Why This is a Game-Changer for Perinatal Mental Health

This approach is incredibly destigmatizing. It helps you understand that your anxiety isn't a sign you're "worrying too much" and your feeling of numbness isn't a sign you're a "bad mother." These are physiological states. By learning to work with your body, instead of fighting against it, you can find a more gentle and effective path back to well-being.

A Simple Map of Your Nervous System: Understanding Polyvagal Theory

Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory gives us a user-friendly map of how our nervous system responds to the world.

Beyond Fight-or-Flight: The Three States of Your Nervous System

We often talk about "fight-or-flight," but that's only part of the story. According to Polyvagal Theory, our autonomic nervous system has three primary states it can be in, organized in a ladder of response.

The Ventral Vagal State: Safe and Social

This is the top of the ladder, our ideal state. When you are in your ventral vagal state, your nervous system feels safe.

• You feel: Calm, grounded, connected, curious, compassionate, and hopeful.
• You can: Connect with others, learn new things, rest, and digest.
• This is the state where you can truly bond with your baby and enjoy your new family.

The Sympathetic State: Fight or Flight

When your nervous system detects a threat, it kicks you down the ladder into the sympathetic state to mobilize you for survival.

• You feel: Anxious, angry, irritable, panicked, or fearful. Your heart races, your breathing gets shallow, and your muscles tense.
• Your brain: Scans for danger, and you feel a sense of urgency and a need to control the situation.
• Many parents in the postpartum period are stuck in this state, experiencing it as perinatal anxiety or mom rage.

The Dorsal Vagal State: Freeze or Shutdown

If the threat is too overwhelming and you can't fight or flee, your nervous system will pull the emergency brake and drop you to the bottom of the ladder: the dorsal vagal state. This is a state of shutdown and conservation.

• You feel: Numb, empty, disconnected, hopeless, or "checked out." You may feel a profound sense of fatigue and brain fog.
• Your body: Is trying to protect you by making you feel nothing.
• This state is often experienced as postpartum depression or the profound sense of detachment and depersonalization that can accompany it.

Your Nervous System in Pregnancy and Birth

A State of High Alert: The Sympathetic Shift

Pregnancy naturally involves a shift toward a more sympathetic state. Your body is on high alert to protect your growing baby, which is why anxiety during pregnancy is so common.

The Nervous System's Role in a Traumatic Birth

A traumatic birth is a profound nervous system event. Your body is flooded with stress hormones, and you may have felt trapped and powerless (triggering a dorsal vagal freeze response). The memory of the trauma can get "stuck" in your nervous system, making it difficult to feel safe even after the event is over.

Your Nervous System in the Postpartum Period

Why You're "Stuck" in Survival Mode

The postpartum period is a perfect storm for nervous system dysregulation. Sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, the constant demands of a newborn, and the immense identity shift of matrescence are all perceived by your nervous system as potential threats, keeping you stuck in a sympathetic or dorsal state.

How Nervous System Dysregulation Shows Up

• You're always "on": You can't relax, you feel jumpy, and you're irritable with your partner. (Sympathetic)
• You're completely "off": You feel numb, disconnected from your baby, and have no energy to do anything. (Dorsal)
• You might even fluctuate between the two, feeling "wired and tired" all at once.

Practical Tools to Regulate Your Nervous System

The beautiful thing about Polyvagal Theory is that it gives us a roadmap for how to climb back up the ladder to that safe and social state.

"Bottom-Up" Healing: Soothing the Body to Calm the Mind

Because these are physiological states, we can use our body to send signals of safety to our brain. This is called "bottom-up" healing.

Vagus Nerve Exercises for Calm and Connection

The vagus nerve is the main highway of your parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous system. Gently stimulating it can help you move out of a survival state.

• Slow, diaphragmatic breathing: Place a hand on your belly. Inhale slowly for a count of four, feeling your belly expand. Exhale even more slowly, for a count of six or eight. This is the fastest way to signal safety to your brain.
• Humming, chanting, or singing: The vibration in your vocal cords stimulates the vagus nerve. Sing a lullaby to your baby—it calms both of your nervous systems at once.
• Cold exposure: Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube. The brief shock can help "reset" your nervous system.

The Power of Co-Regulation with Your Baby

Your nervous system and your baby's nervous system are in constant communication. When you are calm, it helps your baby feel calm. And when you soothe your baby (through rocking, shushing, or skin-to-skin contact), their calming nervous system sends signals of safety back to yours. This beautiful feedback loop is called co-regulation.

When You Need More Support: The Role of Somatic Therapy

What is Somatic Therapy?

Sometimes, the nervous system is too "stuck" in a survival state to be regulated by these exercises alone. Somatic therapy is a body-focused therapy that is specifically designed to help your nervous system release stored trauma and complete the survival cycles that have been stuck.

Finding a Body-Focused Therapist

A therapist trained in a somatic modality can be an incredible guide on this journey. They can help you gently and safely listen to the story your body is telling and find a path back to a felt sense of safety.