Your Journey, Your Family, Your Mental Health
The journey to parenthood for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples is often one of deep intention, resilience, and love. You may have navigated complex medical, legal, and social landscapes to build your family. This journey comes with unique joys, but it can also come with a unique set of stressors that can impact your perinatal mental health.
Mainstream parenting resources often assume a heterosexual, cisgender experience, which can leave queer and trans parents feeling invisible and unsupported. This guide is a space to acknowledge your specific journey and to affirm that you deserve mental health care that is not just inclusive, but truly competent. Your family is valid, your experiences are real, and finding support for your family is a critical part of your well-being.
Celebrating the Intentionality of LGBTQ+ Parenthood
For many LGBTQ+ families, the path to parenthood is a highly intentional and deliberate one. This can be a source of incredible strength and connection. However, the emotional, financial, and logistical efforts required can also be depleting.
Acknowledging the Unique Stressors
Alongside the universal challenges of new parenthood, you may be navigating a layer of stress that other families are not, including a lack of legal protections, discrimination from providers, and the emotional labor of educating the world about your family. These added stressors are significant risk factors for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.
Navigating the Path to Parenthood
The Emotional Toll of Fertility Treatments, Surrogacy, and Adoption
Many LGBTQ+ families are built through processes like IUI, IVF, reciprocal IVF, surrogacy, or adoption. These journeys can be long, expensive, and emotionally grueling, often involving cycles of hope and loss. The grief from infertility and the stress of the process can have a lasting impact on your mental health as you enter parenthood.
The Need for Inclusive and Affirming Medical Care
From the start, you may face the challenge of finding medical providers who use affirming language and understand your family structure. The fear of or experience of discrimination from the very people you are trusting with your care can be a source of significant anxiety and trauma.
Common Mental Health Challenges in the LGBTQ+ Community
The Non-Gestational Parent's Experience
The non-gestational or non-birthing parent can often feel invisible. Medical forms may not have a space for them, and others may not see them as a "real" parent. This can lead to feelings of exclusion, anxiety about bonding, and a unique form of paternal (or parental) postpartum depression.
The Unique Experience of Trans and Gender-Nonconforming Parents
Trans and gender-nonconforming parents, especially gestational parents, face a unique set of challenges. This can include the physical and emotional distress of body dysphoria during a time of intense physical change, the stress of navigating a medical system that is often not trans-competent, and the fear of discrimination.
Chestfeeding and Body Dysphoria
For some trans and gender-nonconforming parents, the act of chestfeeding can be a source of gender euphoria. For others, it can be a significant trigger for body dysphoria. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and you have the right to make the feeding choices that best support your own mental and physical well-being.
Finding Competent and Affirming Support
The Difference Between "Friendly" and "Competent"
A "LGBTQ-friendly" therapist is one who is welcoming. A "LGBTQ-competent" therapist is one who has specific training and expertise in the unique mental health needs of your community. They won't need you to educate them on the basics of your identity or family structure.
Questions to Ask a Potential Therapist
When seeking a therapist, you have the right to ask questions to ensure they are a good fit.
- "What is your experience working with LGBTQ+ parents?"
- "What specific training have you had in trans and gender-nonconforming health?"
- "How do you create an affirming space in your practice?" Just as with single parents or BIPOC parents, you deserve a provider who "gets it."
You Deserve to Be Celebrated and Supported
Your family is beautiful, and your journey to parenthood is a testament to your love and resilience. You deserve to navigate this time with access to mental health care that is not only free from judgment and discrimination but that actively celebrates and affirms who you are.
If you are an LGBTQ+ parent seeking competent and affirming mental health care, schedule a free, confidential consultation with a Phoenix Health care coordinator to find a therapist who is right for you.