The Secret Language of Your Body
You're trying to reason with your anxiety, but your heart is still pounding. You're telling yourself to "snap out of" your depressed fog, but your body feels heavy and numb. This frustrating disconnect happens because so often, our feelings are not generated by our thoughts, but by the state of our nervous system. Learning to understand its language is a game-changer.
This is a simple guide to Polyvagal Theory, a revolutionary concept that provides a "map" to your nervous system. For new parents, this map is an incredible tool for self-compassion. It helps you understand why you feel the way you do on a physiological level and gives you a clear path back to feeling calm, safe, and connected.
It's Not Just About Your Thoughts
Polyvagal Theory helps us see that our emotional and behavioral responses are often involuntary reactions driven by our body's deep, primal need for safety. It's a core concept in our guide to the perinatal nervous system.
Introducing Polyvagal Theory: A Map to Your Feelings
Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, this theory shows that our nervous system has three distinct states it can be in. We can think of these states as rungs on a ladder.
The "Polyvagal Ladder": The Three States of Your Nervous System
The Top of the Ladder: Safe & Social (Ventral Vagal)
This is our optimal state. When your nervous system is in this "safe and social" zone, you feel grounded, connected, and engaged with the world. You can access feelings of joy, compassion, and playfulness. This is the state where you can truly connect and co-regulate with your baby.
The Middle of the Ladder: Fight-or-Flight (Sympathetic)
When your nervous system detects a threat, it mobilizes you for action by kicking you down into the sympathetic state. This is the land of anxiety, worry, anger, and panic. Your body is flooded with adrenaline, preparing you to fight or flee. The constant, overwhelming demands of new parenthood can easily get you "stuck" in this state.
The Bottom of the Ladder: Shutdown & Numb (Dorsal Vagal)
If a threat is too overwhelming to fight or flee, your nervous system pulls the emergency brake and drops you to the bottom of the ladder into a state of shutdown. This is the land of numbness, disconnection, hopelessness, and depression. Your body is trying to protect you by conserving energy and helping you feel nothing.
The Polyvagal Ladder in Parenthood
Why You're Stuck in the Middle or Bottom
The perinatal period is a perfect storm for getting stuck in a survival state. Birth trauma, sleep deprivation, and the constant demands of a newborn are all interpreted by your nervous system as "threats," keeping you stuck in the fight-or-flight of anxiety or the shutdown of depression.
Recognizing Your State
Start to notice, without judgment, where you are on the ladder throughout the day.
- Feeling irritable and on-edge? You're likely in a sympathetic state.
- Feeling numb, checked-out, and exhausted? You're likely in a dorsal state.
How to Climb Back Up the Ladder to Safety and Connection
You can't think your way up the ladder. You have to show your body it's safe.
It's About Sending Your Body "Cues of Safety"
The way back to the "safe and social" state is by sending your brain "bottom-up" signals of safety from your body. This is where somatic (body-based) practices come in.
The Power of Breath and Co-Regulation
- Breath: A long, slow exhale is the fastest way to signal safety to your nervous system. Try one of these 5 vagus nerve exercises.
- Connection: Safe social connection is a powerful cue of safety. A warm hug from your partner or a compassionate conversation with a friend can help bring your nervous system back to a regulated state.
This is a Map for Self-Compassion
Polyvagal Theory teaches us that our responses are not our fault. Your anxiety, your rage, or your numbness is not a moral failing; it is a physiological response of a nervous system trying to protect you. This understanding is the foundation of self-compassion and a more gentle path to healing.
If you feel stuck in a state of survival, schedule a free, confidential consultation with a Phoenix Health care coordinator to find a therapist who can help you regulate your nervous system.