Do you ever feel like you’re not quite real? Like you’re watching your life as a movie instead of living it? Maybe you look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person staring back, or the world around you seems foggy, distant, and strange. If you’re having these feelings after giving birth, it can be deeply unsettling and isolating. You might be afraid to even put it into words, worried that it means you’re "going crazy."
We want you to hear this loud and clear: You are not going crazy. This experience has a name, and it is a known—though rarely discussed—symptom of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Feeling this way is a sign that your mind and body are under an immense amount of stress. It is not a character flaw or a sign of weakness; it’s a very real symptom of conditions like postpartum depression, and it can get better with the right support.
What Does Postpartum Depersonalization Actually Feel Like?
One of the hardest parts of this experience is the struggle to describe it. It’s a strange, slippery feeling that doesn’t fit neatly into the typical narratives of postpartum struggles. To help you feel seen and understood, let’s break down the two main components of this feeling: depersonalization and derealization. They can happen together or separately.
Depersonalization is the feeling of being detached from yourself. It’s as if you are an outside observer of your own thoughts, feelings, and body.
Signs of depersonalization include:
- Feeling like you are floating outside your body.
- A sense of being a robot or an automaton, just going through the motions.
- Emotional or physical numbness; feeling "flat" or like you can't access your emotions.
- Looking at your hands, feet, or your reflection and feeling like they don’t belong to you.
- Feeling that your memories lack emotion and don't feel like your own.
- A frightening sense that you're not in control of your own speech or movements.
Derealization is the feeling of being detached from the world around you. The world and the people in it may feel unreal, foggy, or dreamlike.
Signs of derealization include:
- Feeling as though you are separated from the world by a glass wall or a veil.
- Your surroundings looking distorted, blurry, colorless, or artificially two-dimensional.
- A distorted sense of time, where recent events feel like the distant past.
- Sounds being muffled or heightened in a strange way.
- Feeling like your baby or your partner are strangers, even though you know who they are.
This profound sense of unreality can make it incredibly difficult to connect with your new baby, which is why understanding that it is normal to feel detached from your baby at times can be a source of relief. It’s not a reflection of your love; it’s a symptom of what you’re going through.
"Why Is This Happening to Me?": Understanding the Causes
Feeling this way is not your fault. Depersonalization and derealization are widely understood as the brain's coping mechanism for overwhelming stress, anxiety, or trauma. Think of it as a circuit breaker: when the system gets too overloaded, it temporarily shuts down to protect itself.
Several factors in the perinatal period can create this overload:
- Extreme Sleep Deprivation: The relentless, fragmented sleep of the newborn phase is a form of chronic stress that taxes the brain’s ability to function normally.
- A Traumatic Birth: A difficult, frightening, or disempowering birth experience can be a significant trigger. As we explore in our guide to the link between birth trauma and depersonalization, this sense of detachment can be the mind's way of distancing itself from a painful memory.
- Severe Anxiety or Panic: Depersonalization is a very common symptom of panic attacks and high-functioning anxiety. The constant state of hyper-vigilance and worry can push the nervous system to its breaking point.
- Hormonal Shifts: The dramatic plunge in hormones like estrogen and progesterone after birth can trigger significant chemical changes in the brain, contributing to a host of mental health symptoms.
- A History of Trauma: If you have a history of previous trauma, the vulnerability and stress of the postpartum period can reactivate old coping mechanisms, including dissociation.
It takes courage to look for answers when you're feeling this way. If you're ready to learn more about how specialized therapy can help you feel like yourself again, explore Phoenix Health's approach to perinatal mental health.
A Critical Distinction: This Is NOT Psychosis
One of the deepest fears that comes with depersonalization is the worry that you are losing touch with reality. It is crucial to understand the difference between depersonalization/derealization and postpartum psychosis.
- With depersonalization, you have insight. You know that the feeling of unreality is just that—a feeling. It’s bizarre and frightening, but a part of your brain recognizes that it’s not objectively real. You are aware that something is wrong with your perception.
- With postpartum psychosis, there is a break with reality. A person experiencing psychosis may have delusions (believing things that are not true) or hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren't there) and believe them to be real. They do not have the same insight that what they are experiencing is a symptom.
Postpartum psychosis is a rare but serious medical emergency. Depersonalization, while distressing, is not. However, it is a clear signal that your nervous system is overloaded and you need support. For many, these feelings are a sign of
high-functioning or "smiling" postpartum depression, where a parent seems fine on the outside while struggling intensely on the inside.
You Can Feel Real Again
The path back to feeling connected to yourself and the world is not something you have to find on your own. The first step is simply naming the experience, and the next is reaching out. These feelings are highly treatable with the right therapeutic support.
Therapy for depersonalization often focuses on:
- Addressing the root cause: Identifying and treating the underlying anxiety, depression, or trauma that is causing the symptoms.
- Developing coping skills: Learning practical, in-the-moment strategies to manage the feelings when they arise. Simple grounding techniques for postpartum depersonalization can be incredibly effective at bringing you back to the present moment.
- Reducing stress: Building a toolkit of strategies to calm your nervous system, from mindfulness practices to creating a sustainable plan for rest and support.
Feeling unreal is a deeply lonely experience, but you are not alone in it. This is a recognized medical symptom, and it is a sign that you deserve care and support.
You don't have to figure this out alone. Schedule a free, confidential consultation with a Phoenix Health care coordinator to discuss your options and find the right support to help you feel like yourself again.